I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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