the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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