i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
