just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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