North Korea, Best Korea!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
