She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
