ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to coat check the pizza.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize