okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize