At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm at about main and main street
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize