i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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