My first STD was from a foam party
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
