Your dad touched me again.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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