Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
