literally had 100 drinks last night.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
