My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
