I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
