How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
