I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize