i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
