She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
