Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
