You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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