I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
