brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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