Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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