I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
