ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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