I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
