We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
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