When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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