Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
