Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
