Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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