I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so that wasnt chicken after all
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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