There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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