I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
