i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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