Quick, to the slutcave!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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