we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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