im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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