Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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