I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
