Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
