I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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