I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
