smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
