Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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