you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
