we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
