The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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