now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
