oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
