i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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