after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
