Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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