Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
