Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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