Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
