you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Randomize
