is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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