I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
