i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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