That's intense
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
