I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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