i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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