Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
