i need an iv and a liver transplant
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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