My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
