She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
