Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
