You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
